As a relationship expert in the field for ten years, I have noticed a common thread when it comes to women and love. Women are experiencing a void in their relationships. They are investing years of their life with someone who does not meet their needs. As women, we are navigating a much different landscape when it comes to relationships as compared to in prior years.
Women are more self-actualized than ever as we channel the powers of Super Woman on a daily basis. We have reached success in our academic, professional, and personal lives. Women are no longer living in the shadow of men. This brings us to our first key tip for women.
1. Keep your space and your identity.
Men live life in a way where they do what serves them. One woman I work with has a partner who refers to himself as the “prize.” Women, on the other hand often think of how they can serve others. How does this “give, give, give” approach help us get our needs met in our love relationships? As women, we are often conditioned to meet the needs of others in order to receive love and acceptance. Men, on the other hand are conditioned to serve themselves in order to achieve what they perceive as success and respect.
If you look at meaningful relationships built on equality, women and men do not fall in the pattern of taking on traditional gender stereotype roles. In a meaningful relationship, roles are interchangeable and flexible. As women, we need our identity while being in a relationship. Instead of giving ourselves over to our partner, we can create space in our lives for the people we love, along with having time for our interests and goals. Men fall in love with the same qualities we love about ourselves. Hold tight to your identity and make time for personal development as you embark on your journey of love.
2. Be assertive.
You can be loved, accepted, respected and assertive all at the same time. As women, our greatest asset is our intuition. Take note of what your intuition is telling you. If you are experiencing any form of violation, assert yourself and take a step back. In relationships, we must follow our gut when it comes to our partner. Practice assertive communication in your relationships.
3. Set clear boundaries.
One way to reach fulfillment with our romantic partner is to get clear on what we want and then set our boundaries. If you need time for ladies night, your Sunday evenings with family, time for yourself and your friends, then say this early on and let your partner know what’s important to you. If you want monogamy, marriage, and children be clear about your expectations.
If you notice your partner becoming emotionally distant, not making time for you, and not communicating openly, just set your boundaries with your partner. Make a reminder of what you envision for yourself in the future. If your partner is not able to respond or respect your boundaries, expectations, and future goals then the decision is yours what direction you want your relationship to take.
4. Practice equality.
Women, if you feel inspired, there are no rules to say you can’t treat on a date. Men can cook, vacuum, do the laundry and stay home with the kids. Ladies, we can have our own bank accounts, take the trash out and run our own businesses. The message here is: do what works for you, even if it’s unconventional. In healthy relationships, both partners are equal decision makers and take on different roles to make the partnership thrive.
5. Be authentic.
Many women have stated to me that their partner always seems to want them to be happy. Is being happy all the time obtainable? Is it realistic? Certainly not. Women want their partner to value them when they experience both successes and hardships. When we are authentic in our relationships, we are letting our partner know that we value our emotions and we don’t need to be happy and perfect to be loved.
6. Define your Non-Negotiables.
What qualities do you value most when you are in a relationship? With one woman I worked with, the theme of trust always came up in her relationships. She figured out that she needed someone loyal and trustworthy when it came to love. Once we become clear on our “non-negotiables”, we can define what they mean to us and determine if our partner possesses these attributes we highly value. If not, the choice is ours if our relationship is meaningful enough to move forward with.
7. Clarify for yourself why you’re in a relationship.
Clarifying why we’re in a relationship is key to feeling fulfilled with our partner. Are we in a discovery phase where we want to date and keep things light? Do we want to find a life partner? Maybe we need time to be single.
First and foremost, your relationship needs to be with yourself first. What I mean by that is, what are the thoughts you have about yourself? Do you consider yourself a good person? Do you value your own ideas, actions, and beliefs? Have compassion for self and be mindful that your relationship with yourself is the key to seeking meaningful relationships with others.
